Time: 3:30 PM
Place: My Office (name withheld due to obvious reasons), Bangalore
WHAM!
oops! I did it again!
I banged myself hard onto the laptop yet again.
That woke me up from the momentary ((for me!)(For the rest of the world, it had been a past 20 min affair) wink. I wiped the mouth off that sleepy drool, which swinged like a spidey man.. then wiped the palm to the trouser..then wiped the trouser to a paper and then wiped the paper to the inner lower wall of the cubicle (chuckle!), and in the process ending up smearing it all over the hand again!
Then, with a stiff upper lip, I wiped the hand back to the trouser again..
* * *
CrrreeeeeeeeeeakkkkkkkkkwwWWAH
Silence.
Then followed by the silent throat-tearing shriek…!
This time it was gorier than earlier times. This time it wasn’t just the bang that literally (also figuratively) drove me to tears. The head in the process of kissing the desk, lowered and lowered and in the process took the laptop lid along with it, thereby mincing my fingertips in between the cruel and heartless lips of the laptop.
All the fingers winced in pain. And I jerked into a jolting wake.
The oldest of all, the "bleep-you" finger gulped the pain and looked at me with spiteful indifference. The traitor thumbs somehow escaped the carnage since they were playing truant at work. The index finger was bleeding in the mouth, but it was too dignified to squeal out the pain. So it masked all of the pain into that straight cold poker face and looked at me as if I am a sheek kabab. The ring finger, somehow had an unknown feminine side to it, and had tears running all along its face. But the most heart-wrenching scene was pinkie, the youngest. Junior was the last one and relatively weak to match any onslaught and fight any combat. He got his head stuck badly between the laptop lips and crushed his…well..That's it yes…hey! That’s Bad! …I just meant brains…
Poor guy. He now looks and behaves like a zombie.
( Last known that he is now only more responsive and feeling alive among kids, who seem to have fun around with him. Every time any teacher sees a kid showing that pinkie to him/her, the kid can take a break, have a free ride to the loo, spray decorate the wall, play splash in the water and escape the bad odor in the over-cramped class. They really seem to have taken to him and love him. Pinkie Jr is also happy at this power of his, thereby making up for the loss..)
I immediately pulled my droopy eyelashes apart, and looked at the world diffidently. The guy sitting beside me, who as usual loves the neighbor more than thighself, was eying my drowsiness with that keen sly rodent look. He looked ravine for gossip and strife. I hated it.
I have to be more innovative if I need to continue my rendezvous with the siesta..
Wow that’s a French and Spanish combo sounds vernacular to me, as I feel proud of my linguistic abilities. (Thanks to many Italian porn flicks that I watched off late playing them in mute!)
I have to be damn careful, now that that rat ass has picked the stink. He would soon dig out the garbage and expose me.
I opened a blank word document and started making my fingers dance on the keyboard. To anyone else me, it looked as if I am upto something damn important. But its only me who knows that I am upto something more important than something that’s just damn important. I started to doze in bliss to the soothing waltz of my fingers..
* * *
BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
The whole world blared loud enough to wake not only the deaf dinosaurs but also the dead ones among them...
I woke up to a new prying pair of eyes. The girl in the adjacent cubicle stood from her seat and was staring at me agape. One of my fingers was still on one of a wrong button on the keyboard, which still continued to shriek incessantly in protest. Damn it!
I looked at her with a wry smile and shrugged to give an expression of you-know-how-this-fucking-
I could hear someone smirking behind my back.
I got pissed off and boiled in liquid anger for 29 seconds. I made the decision by the stroke of the 42nd second. I dozed in between.
But before anything else, I imagined to have hung this stupid spy-neighbor head down into the dirty commode and flush. They called it, Brainwash, in that movie.
I now breathe easy.
* * *
“My lord…” said my brain in reverence.
I was sprawled on the couch with lazy and reckless grandeur, drinking the pride of my intellect. I looked it with disdain, as if it’s just a worthless worm.
“My lord.. It’s no more safe for you here. I’ve heard from the trusted sources that the enemies have planted their spies all around and they seem to gather sensitive information about his highness. I would humbly offer my worthless suggestion, which ofourse is far less intelligent than what his highness can contemplate, is to rest in the guest palace, away from the prying eyes, till the whole dust settles down..”
“S I L E N C E!”
The brain shivered in fright. All the lubes in it panicked and wobbled among themselves to hide from that famous wrath of mine. Other organs were too dumbstruck with fear and shock.
“How dare you suggest me to flee?!? I do wat pleases me.”
“ I am the captain of my soul and master of my fate..
and all thou shalt bow thy heads to my sublime and great…”
“I shall…”
“your highness..”
“Who’s that!? Who the fuck is that who has disturbed my magnificent speech! Thou shalt be castrated and impaled.”
“I am already impaled, My lord. You’ve had me pierced .I am the ears! “
“..and u repeated the err to disturb me..huh!?”
“pardon my insolence, My lord. That’s my job. I should convey what gets to me, irrespective of what ever it is. Now, I’ve something very important to bring to the master’s notice”
“Puke! And then I shall decide your fate based on the theory of relative importance. This intelligence of mine should put that weird Einstein to shame. Relativity! HAW HAW HAW!”
I looked around. Bewildered Silence.
“That was a joke!!!!!!!!!assholes”
There was a laughter from somewhere behind the ranks. That was indeed the asshole laughing..
“The word assholes was a generic derogatory remark for everyone.”
Suddenly, there was a huge roaring and gut-clenching laughter around.
His highness is pleased.
“Master, my men just came up with the information that, the enemy spies have gathered enough information for your highness’ sleep disorder and planning to convey it to the bigger enemies for despicable rewards. Master, My lord.. All of us are at the need of your mercy and intellect. Please protect yourself to protect us…we plead the highness..”
His highness nodded, lost in thought.
* * *
I got up from the place and locked the laptop. I could sense a pair of eyes reading whatever that was happening around me. I turned back and said, “ dude, I am off to loo. Can you please answer my cell phone meanwhile?”
“Ah..Sure.. Yeah.”
“Don’t worry. The outgoing calls have been locked. So no trouble for you and there’s nothing u can do. Thanks anyway”
“Ok.” He grunted back.
“Hey! Forgot to tell you.. When you were away, your wife called. I picked your mobile and told her that you were busy talking to that new pretty young intern. Well..she sounded very unpleasant. Anyways, she had asked you to call her back ASAP. And the call dropped even before she completed speaking what’s in her mind for the Else part…”
“….”.
I could hear the frightening sound of someone chewing (gnawing!) the cubicle wood...
I smiled at my own intelligence and started walking in sleepy stupor.
“Hmm”. I sighed longingly.
The cool ambience, the comfy hum of the AC, giving out an occasional cool waft of air, causing an acute chill to along the along the spine. The distant dripping of water somewhere.. the initial coldness of the stone mildly buzzing the whole body like a mild shock. WOW!
Set the alarm to a 15 min vibrating snooze and drift away to the cozy world of mallika sherawats and Sharon stones…
On contrary to whatever you ppl think, sleeping in loo is really a dream come true.
And kewl it rhymes too! (chuckle!)
“Hmm” I sighed again longingly.
Hang on. Just a few steps more.
I opened the door.
And what happened next was bizarre and better left unsaid. All I can say is, without getting into too many details, that I couldn’t sleep in the loo that day and no other day since then.
The end.
Epilogue:
As soon as I entered inside the place, it was all wet as some urinal got broken internally and water from I-don’t-know-where was flowing across freely and touching my feet. One guy was peeing in absolute bliss with no care abt the world. And worst of it he dint realize the leak. Rather, he wasn’t bothered abt that in the first place. OH NO!!!!!!!!!
I looked around.All the booths there had the badge “OCCUPIED”. ON.
I was about to cry…
I was shattered to see my dreams being washed away so mercilessly. But the hell wasn’t over. YET!
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIPPPPPPPPPPP
Whoa! Wa..wa…t waazz..tat ??
I looked around lost with big flapping eyes..
TRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIII
OHH…NO!! Please tell me it isn’t tat!!!!!!
Fffffffffffffffffffffffffaaaaa
The whole place stank like no tomorrow.
Done.
My dream for a lovely cozy siesta ultimately got blown and shredded into tiny pieces of crap.
Both literally as well as figuratively.
What an END. Really!
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